Either it’s the fear that you have before you try something, fear that you might fail at that something. You know what you want to do but you are so scared to death to even try it mainly because you are so bent on the fact that you will lose which funnily does not have to be the case because there is fifty-fifty chance at winning. But trust me when you are afraid you do not even consider that possibility. Failure is all you see!
Or it’s that fear of the unknown. You haven’t seen it but you sure as hell wouldn’t want to and your whole body recoils at the thought of it. It’s that fear that you might not know what to do if faced with that possibility. Like the fear of ghosts, most people haven’t seen any but you should see the fear in their eyes at the mention of one. In Africa this is most prominent as people are so cautious of either a weird object lying on the ground or a funny noise at night as it could represent that something far more scary than imaginable. I remember being told whistling at night was dangerous or sweeping the house at night but no reason was given, I was only told something bad would happen but I was not sure what.
Then there is that fear of what you already know, what we call phobias. I have one prominent one its fear of the dark, scotophobia. Oh how many nights I spent with the light on even after I had dozed or was deep asleep. The heat from it and the discomfort of sleeping with shafts of light in your face, I must admit I’d rather put a pillow over my head rather than turn that light off. That and so many others make me want to piss in my pants, call me a coward if you like but I’m pretty sure a number of you have been faced with the same fear even if for different things. Mine is a little childish but at least I admit it, can you admit yours?
I pretty sure that easiest remedy anyone would give is face your face but it doesn’t always mean that you will win now does it! I tried to face mine on countless occasions but sadly I’m still scotophobic. Even worse is the fear that if you try to face like the fear of swimming and end up drowning it will further instill that fear. There still no reassurance that if you try it you will win but at least you will not live with that hanging over your head, not being sure how it would turn out if you tried.
Have you ever noticed how quickly people remember God when faced with their fears or purged with fear. I for one always refer back to a verse I first heard in Sunday school although I can’t quite pin point where in the bible it comes from me. It said ‘You have not been given a spirit of fear but a spirit of power and of a sound mind’ and I tried to always remember this in my time of fear and it helped most of the time. But I’m pretty sure most of you grab on to these verses or you cry out the name of God or most commonly Jesus, others start to pray but all in all we turn to God because we know he is so much bigger and stronger than what we are up against. So its more like we are saying, well you fear what ever your name is I have a friend called God and maybe I can’t fight you but He will if he has to and I’m sure he will win so you better run for dear life. We are trying to instill fear in fear. Now isn’t that funny!
But this fear is not the kind that I am most afraid of, no! What I am most afraid is not being able to reach my full potential because I am afraid to try something new or push my self that extra mile to achieve something. The fear that in the end I might regret not having done something because I was so afraid of failing and yet nothing said I had no fail. It’s like those 50 year olds that you see doing exactly what 16 year olds should be doing. We always say that she is till so young at heart but usually its because she is making up for those years that they some how missed. Making up for lost time but sometimes it’s a total waste and you have to admit it they look pathetic doing this.
I do not want to end up like those people; I want to try what ever comes my way and not have to make up for lost time later on. I do not want to be so afraid of trying something new and thus procrastinate or be so afraid that I’m going to fail or not be sure I will succeed and thus not bother trying.
A wasted life is a life is unfulfilled life and the worst end is one where you know you never reached your fullest potential.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Sunday TIMES, 5th April 2009
Life:The controversial vagina monologues
BY LOUISE UMUTONI
- A tool against sexual harassment and violence against women
Never has a play caused so much altercation like Eve Ensler’s Vagina Monologues. The Obie award-winning episodic play is made up of various monologues read by a various women.
Every monologue somehow relates to the vagina, be it through sex, love, rape, menstruation, mutilation, masturbation, birth, orgasm, the variety of names for the vagina, or simply as a physical aspect of the body.
The play that has been published in 45 languages and performed in over 120 countries since 1996, including Iraq, sometimes with major stars such as Cate Blanchett , Kate Winslet, Susan Sarandon and Whoopi Goldberg is used today as tool to fight violence against women and sexual harassment.
A recurring theme throughout the piece is the vagina as a tool of female empowerment, and the ultimate embodiment of individuality an aspect that has attracted feminists all over the world and angered a lot of men.
In some places however it’s not just the men that are against it and it has been labeled obscene. Not far from us in Uganda, this play almost got its organizers arrested in 2005 and was banned as an affront to public morality.
Surprisingly, however, this has not stopped a conservative Rwanda from showing it. Only recently, on February 19 this year, the play was performed at the Torero Cafe under the name Rwanda monologues.
As the name shows a number of changes were made to the script making no mention of the word vagina. Only two of Ensler’s monologues “I was there in the room” and “Baptized” were included and the rest were written by the woman of Achieving a Better Life and ranged from how woman are treated in rural societies to rape by soldiers during the Genocide.
Others were about being forced into marriage at a young age and there were two that explored the positive themes of love and marriage, with a healthy sex life.
Although you could argue this changed the whole idea behind the play I chose to say that the play was put in the Rwandan context instead.
Something Rwandans can easily relate to and maybe this is what most countries should adopt. If you are not happy wit the content then change it to suite the public keeping the topic in mind.
Watching the play being performed in Ottawa made me realize that it is not that the monologues are obscene but rather that different aspects are considered obscene in different societies.
One of the actresses (the only African in the cast), Nesochi Chinwuba from Nigeria admitted that some of the monologues would not go down well with her people which is why it was banned in Northern Nigeria.
I had to agree with her as my jaw dropped a number of times during the performance. Although criticized for encouraging homosexuality, lesbianism and worship of the female sexual organs the Vagina Monologues is special because it is the cornerstone of the V-Day movement whose aim is to end violence against women and girls by raising funds through staging benefit performances of the show worldwide each year between February 1 and March 31.
This year the focus is on Congo and the sexual abuse against its women. Women of all ages calling themselves vagina warriors are performing this play all over the world and the funds collected will be used to help women in Congo in a bid to protect what they call a woman’s greatest feature.
Contact: umutonilouise@gmail.com
Life:The controversial vagina monologues
BY LOUISE UMUTONI
- A tool against sexual harassment and violence against women
Never has a play caused so much altercation like Eve Ensler’s Vagina Monologues. The Obie award-winning episodic play is made up of various monologues read by a various women.
Every monologue somehow relates to the vagina, be it through sex, love, rape, menstruation, mutilation, masturbation, birth, orgasm, the variety of names for the vagina, or simply as a physical aspect of the body.
The play that has been published in 45 languages and performed in over 120 countries since 1996, including Iraq, sometimes with major stars such as Cate Blanchett , Kate Winslet, Susan Sarandon and Whoopi Goldberg is used today as tool to fight violence against women and sexual harassment.
A recurring theme throughout the piece is the vagina as a tool of female empowerment, and the ultimate embodiment of individuality an aspect that has attracted feminists all over the world and angered a lot of men.
In some places however it’s not just the men that are against it and it has been labeled obscene. Not far from us in Uganda, this play almost got its organizers arrested in 2005 and was banned as an affront to public morality.
Surprisingly, however, this has not stopped a conservative Rwanda from showing it. Only recently, on February 19 this year, the play was performed at the Torero Cafe under the name Rwanda monologues.
As the name shows a number of changes were made to the script making no mention of the word vagina. Only two of Ensler’s monologues “I was there in the room” and “Baptized” were included and the rest were written by the woman of Achieving a Better Life and ranged from how woman are treated in rural societies to rape by soldiers during the Genocide.
Others were about being forced into marriage at a young age and there were two that explored the positive themes of love and marriage, with a healthy sex life.
Although you could argue this changed the whole idea behind the play I chose to say that the play was put in the Rwandan context instead.
Something Rwandans can easily relate to and maybe this is what most countries should adopt. If you are not happy wit the content then change it to suite the public keeping the topic in mind.
Watching the play being performed in Ottawa made me realize that it is not that the monologues are obscene but rather that different aspects are considered obscene in different societies.
One of the actresses (the only African in the cast), Nesochi Chinwuba from Nigeria admitted that some of the monologues would not go down well with her people which is why it was banned in Northern Nigeria.
I had to agree with her as my jaw dropped a number of times during the performance. Although criticized for encouraging homosexuality, lesbianism and worship of the female sexual organs the Vagina Monologues is special because it is the cornerstone of the V-Day movement whose aim is to end violence against women and girls by raising funds through staging benefit performances of the show worldwide each year between February 1 and March 31.
This year the focus is on Congo and the sexual abuse against its women. Women of all ages calling themselves vagina warriors are performing this play all over the world and the funds collected will be used to help women in Congo in a bid to protect what they call a woman’s greatest feature.
Contact: umutonilouise@gmail.com
Monday, March 30, 2009
WEAR CLOTHES THAT FIT
Louise Umutoni
Have you ever been seated in a taxi, minding your business when suddenly you turned around to be given a full view of a butt crack? Well I have and have probably displayed mine a number of times. This is one of the results of wearing clothes that do not fit.
A lot of women to day believe that they can wear anything as long as it looks good. But they forget that that skirt or shirt might look good on the hanger but might not necessarily look good on you. It might be a tad too big or too small although it’s usually the latter. Most women will force themselves into any cloth no matter how small as long as it takes their fancy.
I’ve heard many of my female friends say, “It will stretch” and this is pretty much every woman’s excuse for buying ill fitting attire. But the bad news is if it actually does stretch then it won’t look so good for long, it starts to look worn out after you have worn it twice. And even worse you probably won’t look so good in it. Wearing clothes that are tight make you look bigger. And we all don’t want that.
There is nothing worse than have the perfect blouse but the wrong body. One that high lights your most unflattering features like the ever so common love handles, or layers and layers of extra fat. Or breasts that look like they are being held against their will and would do anything to split open that blouse and are probably way on their way to doing that. And what makes it even more painful is that you paid for it knowing full well it didn’t fit properly. You might convince yourself that you could lose weight but that blouse might have moulds eating through it by then.
And for the slim girl who’s thinking this has nothing to do with her then she ought to think again. Many of these girls have been victims of this and for them it can have two results. Either they bulge over their too-tight jeans or they look malnourished. I’m sure both results are not very flattering for any one.
But as hard as this might be for most of us ladies, we need to re-think our priorities. Would you rather force your self into this beautiful dress which will probably tear by the end of the evening or would rather wear another dress that’s well fitting and comfortable? One that you will feel totally comfortable in and show cases your most favorable assets.
I hope I do not sound crazy when I say I would choose the latter. If does not fit perfectly or accentuate your fine features then walk away from it, do not look back or try to make any excuses to buy it. It will be a total waste, one that will cost you a lot more than money.
Louise Umutoni
Have you ever been seated in a taxi, minding your business when suddenly you turned around to be given a full view of a butt crack? Well I have and have probably displayed mine a number of times. This is one of the results of wearing clothes that do not fit.
A lot of women to day believe that they can wear anything as long as it looks good. But they forget that that skirt or shirt might look good on the hanger but might not necessarily look good on you. It might be a tad too big or too small although it’s usually the latter. Most women will force themselves into any cloth no matter how small as long as it takes their fancy.
I’ve heard many of my female friends say, “It will stretch” and this is pretty much every woman’s excuse for buying ill fitting attire. But the bad news is if it actually does stretch then it won’t look so good for long, it starts to look worn out after you have worn it twice. And even worse you probably won’t look so good in it. Wearing clothes that are tight make you look bigger. And we all don’t want that.
There is nothing worse than have the perfect blouse but the wrong body. One that high lights your most unflattering features like the ever so common love handles, or layers and layers of extra fat. Or breasts that look like they are being held against their will and would do anything to split open that blouse and are probably way on their way to doing that. And what makes it even more painful is that you paid for it knowing full well it didn’t fit properly. You might convince yourself that you could lose weight but that blouse might have moulds eating through it by then.
And for the slim girl who’s thinking this has nothing to do with her then she ought to think again. Many of these girls have been victims of this and for them it can have two results. Either they bulge over their too-tight jeans or they look malnourished. I’m sure both results are not very flattering for any one.
But as hard as this might be for most of us ladies, we need to re-think our priorities. Would you rather force your self into this beautiful dress which will probably tear by the end of the evening or would rather wear another dress that’s well fitting and comfortable? One that you will feel totally comfortable in and show cases your most favorable assets.
I hope I do not sound crazy when I say I would choose the latter. If does not fit perfectly or accentuate your fine features then walk away from it, do not look back or try to make any excuses to buy it. It will be a total waste, one that will cost you a lot more than money.
| City Beat: Smartness knows no weather, or does it? | |
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| BY LOUISE UMUTONI | |
This statement is usually heard off the lips of young ladies freezing to death on one of those rainy nights at Orion bar. Other times, young men new at a job wearing suits (usually black) under the scorching sun desperately trying to make an impression will employ the term. This expression is commonly used to imply that you can dress up the way you like even if it thoroughly contrasts with the weather and get away with it as long as you are smart. I admit that this works in some instances, particularly for the gentleman in a suit sweating profusely but for the freezing lady this could have permanent effects, like catching pneumonia. And once again the rainy season has descended upon our country and this means you have to make a choice, will you succumb to the cold and hide behind huge ugly sweaters and jackets or will you join the bold young ladies who will continue to wear their skimpy outfits with no thought whatsoever that they could catch a cold or worse pneumonia? Both seem a bit too extreme and definitely not welcoming but that doesn’t mean it’s a dead cause. No, ladies there is always a way out. This time our way out has been provided by “the sweater cardigan”. They come in stripes and plain colour ones, it’s your pick. I for one prefer the striped ones but the plainly coloured ones are beautiful and can go with any plainly coloured tops. These sweaters when coupled with a beautiful top and a beautiful pair of skinny jeans will have you looking as fabulous as before and trust me you will still pull off that party gal look you so desire. They can also be worn to work with any kind of pants or even skirts and dresses. Name it, these sweaters are compatible with anything and have you still looking as smart as you would like. These sweaters do not make you look fat or give any hint that you are wearing it for warmth. They actually look more like tops and yet they have cotton material that makes them really warm. So ladies, guess what, you get to pull it off as easily as that. Here, you get even more than you bargained for, you are smart and yet warm and comfortable. I like to say, smartness with weather! |
Thursday, March 19, 2009
I CALL IT HOME, BUT IS IT?
Louise Umutoni
Iam a Rwandan, born and raised in Uganda. Alot of people might say I am Ugandan maybe because i spent half of my life there or maybe because i can hardley speak my mother tongue without error. All these would be pretty good reasons to start with and at times i might even refer to my self as Ugandan but Iam not and Iam Rwandan. No matter how hard I might try to run away from it Iam. I have to live with the fact that Iam associated with a country of murderers, a country where the blood of innoscent people was spilled by their own friends, collegues, neighbours, relatives, name it. People they laughed with, played with, shared meals or even the tinniest of necessities. A country where the smallest of aspects such as ethnicity was enough to cause so much hate, hate that caused the most artocious deaths ever immaginable. A country where even sharing the same language did nothing to convince us that we were one but we were on the contrary so quick to believe what the white man told us that there never had a excisted two groups that were so different. They said we looked different and that made us different, and those that had features that looked almost like those of the white man, they were considered superior. Stories were made up about our difference in origin and we were forced to believe that we were from completely different places and thus we were different. some were presumably from Ethiopia and others were believed to have origianted from West Africa.
Differences in physical features were also used to convince us that we actually were different and minute details like the size of one's nose were considered determinants of one's ethnicity. The classic colonial tactic had worked!!! We were totally divided and thus could be easily ruled, a tactic that had worked every where else but this time was bound to cause un imaginable damage.
Where were we looking when this happened? People say it was all misundertanding from the very start. The king did not know he was giving away his land to these people, how would he have known that with a simple hand shake he was giving away decades of hard earned land.
No he couldnt have know, but i still our ancestors for having been too naive. If they had been stronger back then maybe, just maybe this fate wouldnt have befallen my land, my beautiful home.
And the hate that came with it, hate that may take centuries to wipe out would never have excited. People would still live along side eachother as one believing they one, Rwandans is what they would refer to the selves as, not hutu, tutsi or twa. Oh Rwanda my home land, how could we have let this happen to you.
They call it "payee de mille colline" the land of a thousand hills. And that it is, hill after hill un folds forming a kind of pattern, to me it looks a thousands of pillows made of feather, one after the other. Soft and comfortable enough to lay your head down and go to sleep, a peaceful, sound sleep and wake up to the chitter chatter of the "nyamanza" believed to be the wisest and most talkative of birds. A land thats green from one end to the other that it looks like its covered in green carpet!
Rwanda a country so small and yet one that caused the world to bow its head in shame. Shame for not doing its honourable duty of saving man kind. A world that would rather give in to the silliest of whims but would not a lift a finger to save the lives of atleast a handful of people. A world that saw dead bodies strewn on the streets of Kigali but chose to turn a deaf ear to the cries for help. A world that waited for up to 1 million deaths before intervening. oh world where were you when we needed you the most? We have orpahans, widows, rape victims living with AIDS, we have sisters and mothers to the dead asking this question. Where we were you? Was it because we didnt have any oil or any diamonds to offer, was that what made us worthless. Was it the reason why you turned your backs on us and had only our rebel brothers to count on, rebels not armed enough to fight an army armed to the teeth. And yet some of you helped the enemy, some of you thought it was better to support muderers. But guess what we were saved, saved by our very own men, men who gave their lives to save a people that we were on the edge about to lose all hope. At the point where we though all hope was lost, where we had lost faith in man kind, it was at that point that we were rescued. God says it is at that point when you have lost all all hope you are abot to give up that i'll rescue you and renew your hope.
Iam a Rwandan, born and raised in Uganda. Alot of people might say I am Ugandan maybe because i spent half of my life there or maybe because i can hardley speak my mother tongue without error. All these would be pretty good reasons to start with and at times i might even refer to my self as Ugandan but Iam not and Iam Rwandan. No matter how hard I might try to run away from it Iam. I have to live with the fact that Iam associated with a country of murderers, a country where the blood of innoscent people was spilled by their own friends, collegues, neighbours, relatives, name it. People they laughed with, played with, shared meals or even the tinniest of necessities. A country where the smallest of aspects such as ethnicity was enough to cause so much hate, hate that caused the most artocious deaths ever immaginable. A country where even sharing the same language did nothing to convince us that we were one but we were on the contrary so quick to believe what the white man told us that there never had a excisted two groups that were so different. They said we looked different and that made us different, and those that had features that looked almost like those of the white man, they were considered superior. Stories were made up about our difference in origin and we were forced to believe that we were from completely different places and thus we were different. some were presumably from Ethiopia and others were believed to have origianted from West Africa.
Differences in physical features were also used to convince us that we actually were different and minute details like the size of one's nose were considered determinants of one's ethnicity. The classic colonial tactic had worked!!! We were totally divided and thus could be easily ruled, a tactic that had worked every where else but this time was bound to cause un imaginable damage.
Where were we looking when this happened? People say it was all misundertanding from the very start. The king did not know he was giving away his land to these people, how would he have known that with a simple hand shake he was giving away decades of hard earned land.
No he couldnt have know, but i still our ancestors for having been too naive. If they had been stronger back then maybe, just maybe this fate wouldnt have befallen my land, my beautiful home.
And the hate that came with it, hate that may take centuries to wipe out would never have excited. People would still live along side eachother as one believing they one, Rwandans is what they would refer to the selves as, not hutu, tutsi or twa. Oh Rwanda my home land, how could we have let this happen to you.
They call it "payee de mille colline" the land of a thousand hills. And that it is, hill after hill un folds forming a kind of pattern, to me it looks a thousands of pillows made of feather, one after the other. Soft and comfortable enough to lay your head down and go to sleep, a peaceful, sound sleep and wake up to the chitter chatter of the "nyamanza" believed to be the wisest and most talkative of birds. A land thats green from one end to the other that it looks like its covered in green carpet!
Rwanda a country so small and yet one that caused the world to bow its head in shame. Shame for not doing its honourable duty of saving man kind. A world that would rather give in to the silliest of whims but would not a lift a finger to save the lives of atleast a handful of people. A world that saw dead bodies strewn on the streets of Kigali but chose to turn a deaf ear to the cries for help. A world that waited for up to 1 million deaths before intervening. oh world where were you when we needed you the most? We have orpahans, widows, rape victims living with AIDS, we have sisters and mothers to the dead asking this question. Where we were you? Was it because we didnt have any oil or any diamonds to offer, was that what made us worthless. Was it the reason why you turned your backs on us and had only our rebel brothers to count on, rebels not armed enough to fight an army armed to the teeth. And yet some of you helped the enemy, some of you thought it was better to support muderers. But guess what we were saved, saved by our very own men, men who gave their lives to save a people that we were on the edge about to lose all hope. At the point where we though all hope was lost, where we had lost faith in man kind, it was at that point that we were rescued. God says it is at that point when you have lost all all hope you are abot to give up that i'll rescue you and renew your hope.
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